The Break-Up Bible: 10 Commandments Of Amicably Ending A Relationship
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Breaking-up is not an easy thing to do. The emotional, mental and physical toll it can take on the involved parties is enough reason to put off ever having ‘the chat’ in the first place. The following 10 tips are designed to help you get through the process, without the vitriol or doom.
1: Do The Right Thing
When the time comes to have the all-important conversation, tell the truth.
Make sure you make an effort to listen to how the other person feels and to respond in a sensitive, direct way. Keep the conversation civil (as civil as possible) and keep it realistic. If you’re intending on making a clean break, don’t lead the other person on.
2: Keep It Professional
Once you’ve made the decision to separate, it’s time begin untangling yourself from your former partner.
This can be a tricky process (especially where there are children or significant assets involved), so it’s wise to arrange for the help of a trusted professional.
An excellent way to simplify the process is enlisting a family lawyer in Melbourne. A qualified family law specialist can help you navigate the legalities involved in dissolving your relationship, while ensuring a trouble-free settlement for you and your former partner.
3: Turn Down The Heat
A barbed remark can appear from nowhere in the heat of the moment, causing further damage between you and your former partner. To stop this from happening, write out and outline what you would like to say beforehand, and then stick to your talking points. Keeping yourself in-check is a useful way to create mutual respect and productive dialogue in an otherwise tension-filled process.
4: Neutral Mutuals
This point can not be emphasised enough: don’t poison mutual friends against your former partner.
Keeping any mutual friends neutral is important if you’re ever likely to attend the same gatherings as your former partner, or if you keep a similar social circle. When speaking of your relationship to mutual friends, keep your comments free of vitriol or spite (no matter how tempted you may be to speak otherwise).
5: Take Your Time
While it may be tempting to try to heal yourself by moving on quickly, jumping immediately into another relationship can be a bad idea for many reasons. First of all, it can send the wrong message to your former partner. They may assume that you don’t respect their feelings, or that you’re trying to hurt them.
If and when you do decide to become involved with another person, consider whether it’s necessary to let everyone know immediately. Details like these are best introduced slowly, and with sensitivity for any feelings it might bring up between your former partner and yourself.
6: Space & Time
Giving your former partner space and taking space for yourself is another way to help create an amicable environment.
Do not force your way into their private space without an invitation. If you know that they enjoy being at the gym at a certain time, wait until later to go, The same goes for other social routines. Make your own way.
7: Disconnect & Reconnect
Resist the urge to track or stalk your former partner on social media. It may be the ideal time to take a sabbatical or temporarily deactivate your accounts if you can’t control the urge to sneak a peek.
Why not try instead to take the opportunity to reconnect with friends and family. Invite friends to enjoy a meal or a drink, and visit your relatives. Some human contact can help to reinstall and reset your mind into your community outside of your newly-ended relationship.
8: Child’s Play
If there are children involved, make sure to include and explain to children how they will be affected by any changes. As with mutual friends, don’t succumb to the temptation to be negative about your former partner in front of your children.
9: Be Present
A simple way to make sure you’re not fostering any resentment in your former partner is to conduct any important conversations in-person.
Face-to-face communication is the most respectful, immediate way to have a conversation with someone you’re in a relationship with. When the time comes to dissolve this relationship, there’s no reason why this too shouldn’t be handled face-to-face.
Above all else: don’t be the person who initiates a break-up via social media or digital messaging. It’s cruel, and won’t be easy forgiven or forgotten.
10: An Even Split
Finances, bills and other regular payments may also need to be carefully meted out.
Make sure to agree to split these evenly, and to create a payment schedule. If it’s possible, transferring shared accounts and bills to a sole account holder may help when one party has to find new living arrangements.
It’s not impossible to amicably end a relationship. With enough care, sensitivity, and mutual respect, you can maintain a sense of trust and friendship with your former partner, making your life (and theirs) less complicated in the future.
